What I Want in a Man

Three years.  That is how long it has taken me to figure out what I REALLY want in a man...a spouse, even.  In the beginning, my list was enormous.  I kept telling myself that I would not take even one thing off of that list because I wouldn't be truly happy with a man that was anything less.  It wasn't until fairly recently that I began to analyze my own list.  My conclusion?  It is selfish.  Some of the things on there are so petty and, dare I say, materialistic.  I had qualities on that list that aren't really THAT important to me.   These were not things I expected of myself.  How can I expect them of someone else if I can't hold up my end of it? For example, one thing on my list was "He drives a truck."  Essentially, I was telling myself that I would not date a guy unless he drove a truck!  Seriously.  I surprise myself, sometimes, at my own childishness.  Sure, a truck is nice, but it should not be a deal-breaker.

Once I came to my own little revelation, I decided it was time to revise my list.  I debated blogging about this.  Was this something that I wanted to share with strangers, or keep deep in my heart?  The purpose of me starting this blog was to break out of my post-divorce cocoon and revamp my perspective on life, love, and single-parenting.  Without further adieu...my revised list of Man Must-Haves.

1. Compassion with Action - He must have a heart for others and act on it.  Do something heartfelt for communities in need, even if it's as simple as buying a cup of coffee for a homeless man on a cold day.  One act of compassion will transform the day of two people.
2. Financial Responsibility - You don't have to be rich, but know how to manage your money.  Be frugal when needed, have a rainy day and emergency fund.  Please don't be neck deep in debt while trying to live beyond your means.  It doesn't matter if you have a brand new house and fancy car if you can't enjoy your life because you are chained down by the mortgage company.
3. Passion for Knowledge - Never stop learning.  "Once you stop learning, you start dying" ~ Albert Einstein
4. Selfless - When we take ourselves out of the center of the world, we start to see that we need each other.  People need people.  When the need arises, stop thinking about you and think about someone else, then act on it.
5. Servant's Heart - Combined this with Compassion and Selflessness.  Serve others and serve God.
6. Be a Partner - Not a Boss.  Not a slave.  I want to work along side you to make decisions.  I am too smart to cower beneath you.  I want you to be mature enough for me to feel like I don't have to be in control.
7. Work Hard - Go to work.  Be to work on time.  Work hard.  Please remember that I work hard too.  Even though we both want to crash and burn when we get home from work, there are things that need to be done.  Dishes, dinner, yard work.  Please don't expect me to do it all.
8. Motivate - I like to motivate others.  Please motivate me too.  Maybe it's motivation for exercise or my latest diet attempt.  Sometimes, if I am overwhelmed, I may need some loving motivation.  Please be careful not to crush my spirit when you try to motivate me.  I promise I will do the same for you.
9. Respect my Space - Sometimes I just need to be alone.  It doesn't mean that I don't care about you or that I regret being with you.  It just means that I need some alone-time with my own thoughts and God.  Please understand that I value the chances I get to sleep.  While 3:00AM might be the time you feel like having fun, you will likely awaken a bear.
10. Don't tell me you love me - not until you know it for sure.  Not until you are ready to make a life-long commitment.  One divorce was enough for me.  I promise to do the same.  I will not say it unless I mean it forever...even if you say it first.
11. Love my child - There is a special place heaven for people who love another person's child as their own.  But know this, my baby has been through enough and I will guard her heart the best I can.  Please don't expect to get close to my child unless you are in it for the long haul.  It's painful to pick up the pieces of a child's shattered heart.

Putting this list out there is hard for me.  I'm honestly not sure why I felt I needed to do this.  Maybe I hope some of you guys will read this and think about your relationships with your wife/girlfriend.  Maybe girls, you can start thinking about your absolute must-haves.  Either way.  This is it!  

Until next time...