Social Media and the Tween/Teen Parent

     Picture Credit:  http://collegian.tccd.edu/?p=6240

Illustration by Eric Rebosio/The Collegian

 
So, you have a tween/teen and you know every website they view and every social media account they have, right?  Maybe you do, but maybe you don't.  Many kids are honest about their social media adventures, but they often omit certain pieces of information that they don't feel is important for a parent to know.  Why?  Maybe they don't see it as a big deal.  Maybe they are afraid that you will make them delete their account.  Keep reading.  I'm going to line out some things you need to know about tweens and teens in social media.  These are my limited personal discoveries and experience...barely a drop in the bucket.

Misconceptions Parents Have About Teens and Technology

1. You have to be a techno-ninja.  FALSE:  You don't have to be a technological genius and super sleuth to keep on top of your child's internet adventures.  You just need to know what is out there what it's about, and how to talk honestly with your kids.
2.  My kids don't have a social media account because I don't let them.  Likely FALSE.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying your kid is a liar.  Maybe you have told your child they can't have a Facebook or Instagram account.  Maybe you have told them that Myspace is off limits.  They probably don't have one, but you need to know that there are a plethora of social media sites that kids are into that you may not know about and you didn't tell them that THOSE are off limits.  I will get into those later.
3. I know they aren't on these sites because I monitor their computer and phone use.  Then, they probably aren't on them...at home at least.  Think about all the places your child has access to the internet, other than home.  School (though most have social media blocked)?  Library?  Friends house?  Do they delete their history before you can see it?  Again, most kids don't try to hide their activity unless you are a the parent that they see as overly controlling or  they don't see it as a threat.  Your child is likely NOT one to go behind your back and they are likely NOT trying to be defiant but you have to understand the peer pressure that kids face...especially if their friends are on those sites.  I'm going to be honest with you here.  There are some positives to letting kids have social media accounts and safeguards that can be followed.  I will hit on those later.
4. I don't need a social media account.  You DO need a social media account of some sort.  Even if you NEVER post a thing, you should have an account so you can be familiar with what is going on.  If nothing else, you need to spend some time on those sites, periodically.  You need to see what public profiles are posting.  These are the things your kids will see.  As much as you may want to, you can't lock your kids in a closet and hide them from the scary internet world, but you can help them see it in a safer light.

What's Out There?

What are the trending social media places for kids?  Please note that this list may change as new social media sites are added often.

1. Facebook - Many kids have a Facebook account, but be aware that this overly popular social media site is drawing in a more adult crowd, and kids are moving to other places.
2. MySpace - Not as many kids are on MySpace these days, but it still makes the list.
3. Instagram - Kids snap and post pictures and others comments.  Seems harmless, but what people post can be shocking and borderline illegal.
4. Snapchat - This is a fairly new, and quite honestly, dangerous app/program.  It allows a person to snap a picture and send it to another user.  The appeal is that the image self destructs in a predetermined amount of time (5 or 10 seconds or so)?  Sounds safer than posting on Instagram, right?  Maybe, but the trend has been dangerous for some of our tween/teen girls who think its safe to snap a quick and inappropriate  picture to send to their boyfriend.  Problem is this...while the image is short-lived, it's easy enough for someone to screenshot the image and save it to their device.
5. Twitter - Many kids and parents use this to keep up with the latest news snaps from schools, businesses, celebrities, etc.  
6. G+ - This hasn't caught on with kids yet.  It's more popular for groups that want to professionally network.
7. Pinterest - This is far more popular with adults.  A fun and easy way to pin your favorite stuff on the web.  While some content is not appropriate for tweens/teens, it seems that there is far less risk for the dangers that I will talk about shortly.
8. Vine - a new, Twitter-created, site where users can post a 6-second long video for others to see.  They are already seeing quite a number of users posting inappropriate content.  SURPRISE!
9. KIK - an instant messaging app.  You have to know a persons username to message them.  Check out more about it from http://www.bewebsmart.com/internet-safety/is-kik-okay-for-kids/

There are more.  There are always more.  There will always be more.  The list above is just what is trending at the moment.  If you know of others please comment and share with other parents.

NOW...The Dangers

The biggest dangers for kids is social media is cyber-bullying, sexting, and of course, child predators.

There are several sites that post information and recent statistics on Cyber-bullying.  In a nutshell, here are the important things to remember:

• Traditional bullying is more prominent, but cyber-bulling is on a slow rise.  Since the realization that some kids are using the internet and social media to bully (likely because they think they are less likely to get caught), there has been a crack-down, increased legal consequences, and heightened awareness that this trend does, indeed, exist.
• Cyber-bullying can promote low-self esteem, ideas of suicide, and behavioral issues both in and out of school.

Resources for the information above include:
http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html
http://www.cyberbullying.us/research.php
 Sexting is a frighteningly growing trend with our teens.  Girls and guys often send inappropriate pictures/texts to their boyfriends (and sometimes complete strangers) then, before you know it, half the school has seen your child naked.

•  Almost 30% of 14-24 year-old who admit to sexting say they have sent nude picture to complete strangers
• Almost 40% of teens have sent sexually suggestive or sexually explicit messages
• 22% of 14-17 year-old have sent a nude picture to someone
•  From the FBI site " An 18-year-old high school graduate committed suicide after a nude photo she had transmitted via her cell phone to her boyfriend also was sent to hundreds of teenagers in her school. Other students, who apparently continued to forward the image, allegedly harassed the girl."

Resources for the above information include:
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-sexting
http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/law-enforcement-bulletin/july-2010/sexting

Child predators are, by far, the greatest concern with our kids.  Check out these stats/findings:

• Over half of the victims of internet sexual predators of minors are usually between the ages of 12 and 15.
• The majority of victims are girls
• Victims usually meet the predatory willingly
• Predators often meet victims in online chat rooms
• Approximately 1 in 25 youth are aggressively solicited online, asked to take sexually oriented pictures and distressed about online solicitations
•  Predators seeking to meet children face-to-face often use bogus online identities, leading kids to believe they are talking to another person their age.

These are staggering and eye-opening statistics.

Resources for the information above include:
http://www.nsopr.gov/en/Education/FactsMythsStatistics
http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/internet-crimes/factsheet_1in7.html
http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2011/may/predators_051711

TIPS and Suggestions for Parents

1. TALK to your kids.  Have honest conversations about what they do.  DON'T go ten shades of crazy of them.  If you do, they are far less likely to be honest with you about what they say and do online.  Talk to them about why you won't let them have an account yet, when they CAN have an account, and the safety that goes along with it.  Talk to them about safety, child predators, what to look for, how to handle cyber-bullying.  You can find some great tips for those conversations HERE
2. Set boundaries.  If you allow them to have accounts, let them know that you will have their log-ins and passwords and that, because you love and care about them, you will check periodically to make sure everything is ok.  This way, you are less likely to be seen as poking around their business.
3. Create your own account and require that your child add you as a friend/follower.
4. Don't come down too hard if you see your kid or their friends cussing.  This is a talking point for you and a good time to bring up the "How do you really want people to see you?" discussion.  It's also a good time to talk about Digital Footprints.  Check out more about digital footprints from http://www.cybersmart.gov.au/Kids/Get%20the%20facts/Digital%20footprint.aspx
5. Understand that peer pressure is an issue.  Their relationship with you, is different than the relationship that they have with their peers.
6. Don't be blind.  Know that your child is at a point in their lives where they have to make some pretty tough social decisions and that they may do this through social media...with OR without your knowledge.  BE PROACTIVE!
7. Understand that there are good things about social media.  It CAN be a positive way for tweens/teens to interact with their friends in their own, strange, alien, teenage way.
8. For your own sanity.  Don't be "that" parent.  You know...the one that does the inappropriate posting of bikini clad bodies, sex talk, and general stupidity.  Your children will do as you do, not as you say.

This post BARELY scratches the surface.  There are entire websites devoted solely to this topic.  These are just the key points to get your brain in gear thinking about what is out there and how to handle it.  I highly encourage you to do your research.  Find more information.  SHARE that information.

If you have other facts, stats, information, or general comments, please share!