Letter to Married People from a Divorcee

Dear Married Person:

There has been more than one occasion over the past three years that I have had to come face to face with the big, hot pink elephant in the room called "Divorce."  It rears its ugly head far too often.  Today, a friend of mine mentioned in an innocent conversation that they are adamantly opposed to divorce and that should never be an option.  She went on to tell the group how marriages should be, what should and should not happen, and how the law should handle situations of divorce.

I love my friend, but there are a few things that need to be explained about my elephant.   I'm a list maker, so you will have to forgive my impersonal style.

1. Divorce is not contagious.  You wont "catch" it from me.  If my own divorce causes you to question the stability of your marriage, then maybe you need to closely examine your own situation.  Don't bring your divorced friend into the picture as justification for your own relationship choices.
2. It's not a scarlet letter.  I have yet to meet a person who gets married with the thought "Well, if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce!"   I had the same dream that many of you had:  Dancing to "OUR" song on our 50th anniversary; sitting on the front porch swing when we are 75 and still in love.  I firmly believe it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it.  That means that one person can't do it on their own.  Two people have to choose to forgive.  Two people have to choose to make it work.  If only one person makes the right choice, it will not be enough.
3. I am not anti-social since my divorce.  I would LOVE to be able to go on that "girl" trip. I would love to go to the company party.  The reality is, I now have a home to keep and a child to raise BY MYSELF. I can't always get a babysitter.  The time I have with my child is cut in half.  I value every moment that I DO have. 
4. The "couples" thing brings out the elephant.  I really do appreciate the invitation to join you, your spouse, and other couples for a night out, but honestly, it sling-shots me back to college and a third-wheel scenario.  It's still strange to be around couples, who talk about their relationships and family when you are the odd man out.  I am happy for you, I am, but that is just not something I can relate to anymore.  That doesn't mean I don't want time with my friends. I just enjoy time in another setting.
5. It's OK to talk about your marriage an how happy you are.  Really.  I am glad!  I wish more marriages would not fail.  It gives me hope for the future to hear about your good marriage.  This is not like the couples outing, where I feel like the odd man out.  This is two friends, talking.  Who knows, maybe I can learn something from you.

My elephant does not have to be YOUR elephant.  I am still learning how to deal with this change in my life.  I hope I always keep learning.  Just, please, understand that we divorcees have different battles to fight than you have to face.  Don't give up on us.  We still want to be your friend, we just need to figure out how to adjust to this new and scary life.

Sincerely, 
Your Divorced Friend

P.S.  I am renaming my elephant Samantha.  It sounds better than "Divorce."